- For her 20th nomination, Meryl Streep wins a free 8-inch sandwich from a participating Quiznos.
- John Travolta spends 45 minutes trying to introduce “Moana” star Auli’i Cravalho.
- “La La Land” only wins one category: Best Internet Backlash.
- Instead of presenting Best Picture, Warren Beatty & Faye Dunaway just make out the whole time.
- Dev Patel wins Supporting Actor, leads audience in high-energy flash mob.
- Producers realize halfway through the show they hired the wrong Jimmy.
- Winner gets cut off by orchestra, bludgeons musical director Harold Wheeler to death with their Oscar.
- Through the magic of modern CGI, Best Visual Effects presented by slightly off-looking Peter Cushing.
- They introduce something called “Electoral Oscars”.
- The Academy finally gets around to nominating “Hoop Dreams”.
- One of the night’s big winners declares, “Isn’t this all kinda phony?”
- Entire ceremony cancelled, replaced with 3-hour “ShondaLand” marathon.
The Horse's Head 
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